10 Days in Uganda, Day 5, Mweya Safari Lodge
Mweya Safari Lodge has been dubbed the “Sheraton in the Bush” and is a popular resort with Royalty, Presidents, Pop Stars and us. It was our only night of sheer, unadulterated luxury and we should have been ashamed of ourselves, except that we enjoyed it so much. We could only stay one night because it cost an arm and a leg, or it would have done if we’d fallen into the adjacent lake, which contained crocodiles. From the al fresco restaurant you had magnificent views over Lake George and a wild-life watering hole with its many water buffalos and hippos. The bird life was profuse with pretty yellow birds flying around the restaurant entertaining the diners. Sally noticed an elephant with only one tusk at the waterhole having an early morning drink. As it moved off, she and Georgina tracked its progress through the undergrowth. I lost it amongst the bushes. “See the dark line of trees? Go up to the dark patch of brown about three-quarters of the way up to the ridge, the go along to the dead tree by the big rock and down to the light patch of brown. No, not there. You’re looking in the completely wrong place….…” Georgina might as well have been talking to a blind man. The elephant could have been standing three metres in front of me and I probably would not have seen it. I gave up, feeling dejected and completely “out of the loop”.
A child had left a gaudily painted, plastic lizard on the pool decking, probably as a practical joke to scare the sunbathers. You could tell it was a toy as the colours were so garish. Then, it shot off and hid under the decking just like the real thing. Those Chinese are so clever.
“Can I jump in the water, Mommy? Can I? I want to jump in the water, Mommy. Can I? Can I jump in the water?” For two pins I would have put down my book and pushed in the annoying little girl myself. She jumped in anyway, whether her Mommy allowed it or not.
The boat trip took us to have a closer look at the watering hole. Every passenger was given a life-jacket. “Don’t worry,” said the guide. “We haven’t had an accident in twenty-one years.” Then, he proceeded to tell us that hippos habitually put their trotters on the side of a boat, tip it up and sink their teeth into the beleaguered swimmers. They were the most dangerous of African animals, killing more humans than lions, tigers, elephants etc. I noticed that most people had put on their life-jackets. We passed a small fishing village on the top of the ridge. “It’s often attacked,” said the guide. “Lions, elephants. A young boy was recently attacked by a hyena. Hyena, there’s a thing. It doesn’t kill you outright. It starts eating you, then you die.” One young woman was looking decidedly green. The guide invited questions. “Are there any chameleons around here?” I asked.
As we sat back after dinner in the restaurant, dreaming of colonial days, there was a flash of lightning and the lights went out. I bet this doesn’t happen when the Queen visits, I thought. She was due in November and the hotel was in the process of building a new lodge for her. In the lightning flashes a large bat could be seen flapping around the room. And the lights came on. You could only admire the stiffness of the British upper lip as this huge bat fluttered around peoples’ heads. No-one batted an eye-lid. If we had stood up en masse and sung the first verse of Rule Britannia, I would not have been surprised. One felt prooouuud to be British, old boy.
I did my own big-game hunting that night and bagged 5 mosquitoes lurking in my bathroom. I looked them straight in the eye and squashed the little blighters before they could attack. It was a near thing with the big, bull mozzie, which had got the wind up and was nearly upon me. But my nerve held and gave it both rolled up newspapers right between the eyes. Unfortunately, the damage was too great or I would have had it stuffed and mounted on my wall. Shucks.