Hayestack

Why is it the roads that seem perfectly flat when you travel along them in a car become death defyingly steep when you cycle them? We cycled to the campsite at Samsitu last weekend. It is a five minute car ride, or 2 hours by bike, and uphill, so it seems, all the way. The strange thing is that it seems uphill on the return journey as well.

The road takes us through many traditional homesteads and little children wave and shout, ”I’m fine!” forgetting that the convention is for us to ask, “How are you? “ first. People stop and stare and we realise that they have probably never seen a woman on a bicycle before, not even a white one. To them, Georgina is an oddity, a freak of nature – something I’ve suspected for years. Georgina makes a point of saying “hello” to everyone and they generally respond favourably. There is a certain reason in her thinking, as these are the communities we shall be cycling through on the way back, and we may need help.

We are riding parallel to the River Kavango which always bursts its banks in the rainy season. This year is no exception and we cycle through tented villages set up by the Red Cross for people along the banks who have been flooded out. Each year after the floods have subsided, these villagers go back to their homes along the river and look forward to next year’s camping holiday. The idea of moving to higher ground may not have occurred to them, or they may just like camping. We do, and eagerly erect our little tent on a pretty site next to the Kavango River, paying little heed to the mud caked to our feet from having to walk over the last bit of flooded track. Our pitch at Samsitu overlooks the river and on to Angola beyond. We look for crocodiles but don’t see any. Instead, an Angolan fisherman stands on the opposite bank, and a canoe and small observation boat float lazily by as the sun sinks slowly into the river. The pitches, secluded by trees and undergrowth, are all empty but one, occupied by a mother from Botswana visiting her son up from Cape Town. We meet in the bar in the early evening after dinner of cold chicken pie and a hot mug of tea. Georgina amazes me by boiling a pot of water over a fire made from a few twigs she has gathered nearby. She tells me it is a skill learned as a Girl Guide. I wonder what other skills she learned there. Maybe she can track a wild boar, skin it and roast it on a spit made from knitting needles and knicker elastic?

Everything here, including the bar and swimming pool, is open air and looks over the river. Andy and Karen, the site owners are pharmacists in Rundu, and know everything about malaria. Andy who reminds me of a slightly rounder Clive Anderson, says we are safe from this parasite now that winter temperatures have arrived. It has headed north towards the equator with the sun. Andy is not unduly concerned about malaria. He has had it 41 times and says it is OK as long as you catch it early. He has learned to recognise the “ping” in the small blood vessels in his fingers (the parasite in the red blood cells makes them swell), the aching of the joints and lower back. Treated early, you don’t even have to stop work. Caught late, you won’t be needing a job. Being a pharmacist, Andy has medication readily available.

On the wall is a sign warning visitors to be aware of snakes. I ask Karen if they see many. “All the time,” she says as if it were the most common thing in the world, and this was not just bravado on her part. “I had a cobra in the lounge the other day. “ she tells me. “ Just put my glasses on in case it spat (deadly venom) and managed to shoo it out. It was no problem.” Andy says he trod on a puff adder behind the bar the night before. Fortunately, he was wearing his leather shoes which took the full force of the fangs (and poison). He was OK, but the shoes died. He had a fright at what he thought was a black mamba in the gloom, but it turned out to be a hose pipe. Karen reassures us they have not lost a camper to snake bites yet. Those who die have usually trodden on a snake, something that snakes aren’t partial to. We made a mental note not to tread on anything resembling a hosepipe, in fact, not even a hosepipe, though we would like to see some snakes before we leave Africa, but at a distance.

The final exercise of the week was to go in groups to different organisations to discover their views on Namibian education. My group had to visit the small but impressive Tsumeb Museum. It is run and owned by an elderly German couple and is stuffed with pictures and memorabilia from the German Second Reich which colonised Namibia at the end of the 19^th century. There is no hint that German occupation was a disaster for the Namibian people, Herero and Nama in particular. The German curators eyed us with suspicion at first but melted and even became outspoken when they realised this was not a post Second World War skirmish. Disregarding Basil Fawlty’s advice, we did, in fact, mention the war, the colonists’ war with the Herero and Nama people when the Germans slaughtered hundreds of thousands, pushed the remainder into the Kalahari desert and eventually sent the remnants to concentration camps and into slavery. I was surprised that there was no hint of this genocide in the museum, but the curators justified this by saying it didn’t happen in Tsumeb. Obviously, genocide or not, if it doesn’t happen in your back yard you are at liberty to ignore it. This species of Namibian ostrich was new to us. The curators were much more vociferous when we began to ask about education and the environment.

“Young people don’t want to visit museums. They get everything from the internet,” they explained.

“Do you try to make the museum more appealing to children?”

“No.”

“Do you go into schools or even send them promotional material?”

“No. We had a party of ninety children here once and it was too many. We had to split them into 2 groups,” they explained, and we could still see the stress in their eyes. I felt sorry for them.

You have to admit, children get under your feet. They pick their noses and touch things. They chatter, they bustle about and exert far too much energy. Museums should be reserved for the elderly where they can sit and muse upon how much better life was in the old days.

We mentioned the copper mine. Their countenance immediately changed. You could see them begin to seethe, their blood begin to boil. The mine shaft was in the centre of town, its tower providing an attractive landmark especially when lit up at night, much like the one built by monsieur Eiffel, though, of course, on a much smaller scale.

“It should be shut down,” they insisted, as if talking about Dachau concentration camp. “It is spewing out arsenic, heavy metals and asbestos into the environment and people don’t know about it. Don’t drink the water,” they warned. We, innocents, who had been drinking the water all week, felt suitably alarmed. We had felt fine and healthy before this revelation. Now we felt decidedly ill. We slunk back to our hotel and downed a large glass of Windhoek lager thinking this might be one of our last acts on earth.

The mine had been closed twice before with the loss of 500 jobs. Phoenix-like it has both times risento life. Maybe this explained why Tsumeb was a ghost town. Maybe all the inhabitants were being gradually poisoned. I had thought Tsumeb would be a great place to which to retire. Maybe, here, you would reach your final resting place sooner than anticipated.

Our second visit was to the Ministry of Youth, National Service, Youth and Culture. We were met by a large, black lady bustling around her office as if harassed by a wasp.

We were greeted with,

“I hope you’re not going to take up too much of my time!”

This came across as a command rather than a question and something told us that this “Big Mamma” would not mince her words. Half a question might be all she had time for. I stood by the open door ready to run. She was dripping with gold even to a couple of gold teeth which glinted in the sun, and she had a circular eruption in the middle of her chest just above her very ample bosoms. It looked very much like a bullet hole, and there was no doubt in my mind that someone had attempted to assassinate her, but only a gold bullet could do the job.

“I deal in crime, youth crime. I sort out peoples’ lives,” she asserted, warming to her subject. I imagined her to be a one woman rehabilitation centre. One word from her and the most hardened criminal would mend his ways forever.

“I’ll do anything to help my youth. I’ll sit with the magistrate, with the prosecutor, visit cells.” She leaned back in her chair with satisfaction and smiled at me broadly. Her gold teeth dazzled me. I felt like an insect before a praying mantis. My legs were jelly, I could not escape. I was a gonna. She had just to flick out her tongue….

“Come on, ask me more questions. I’m enjoying this.” Time was now no object. We were mesmerised.

We asked about school fees. She winced as though we had touched a nerve. The boiler inside her was building up pressure. Soon steam would be shooting out of her ears and nose.

“It was better before independence.” She snorted. If she had said “I am a witch and I eat children,” we would have been no more surprised.

I don’t want you to make notes about this,” she said to me imperiously. My note book fell to my side as thought in fear of its life. My memory cells creaked into operation.

“Education was free before independence. Talent was optimised, not wasted. I have not paid my school fees. The gold chains draped around her neck told us she could well afford to.

“The government promised us free education and they should keep their promise. I shall have to pay though.” She relented.

“I want to see my child’s report and they won’t give it to me unless I have paid the fees. There is too much bureaucracy, too much incompetence. You take a large group of children a long way to an event, a concert or something, and half way there someone says they have not booked the tickets, or they’ve lost the form to register for food. The children go back home disappointed.” She slumps back in her chair exasperated. The next second she’s up again giving me another beaming smile.

“Why doesn’t she just kill me now and have done with it,” I think.

“What is the state of education in Namibia?” She is so eager for questions she has started asking them of herself.

“Well, you know, the Government ministers send their children to school in South Africa.” She looks at us knowingly. We try to look disapproving. She seems satisfied. She wants more questions but it is time to go. Will the mantis release its prey?

“You know, my colleagues are jealous of me, yes, j_e_a_l_o_u_s.” She says the word with relish.

“They say I get special treatment. I get things done. I go over their heads. I go to the top. They don’t like that.” She certainly seemed like a woman who would stop at nothing to get things done. I tried not to stare at the assassins’ bullet hole, mesmerising though it was.

We eased ourselves out of the door and she followed us down the stairs. Were we in Tsumeb long? Was she going to ask us back for more questions? She was going down to Windhoek to sort out the protesting orphans of war veterans who wanted Namibian documents and rights that had been denied them. They were camped outside Parliament and were in for an interesting time. She would get things done. She would sort them out. We did not doubt this for one second.

A sad note

David, one of the more mature volunteers, received news that his father had been taken dangerously ill. A flight home was booked on the internet and he was driven back to Windhoek overnight. Unfortunately, his father died before he reached home. The news saddened us all.

What perplexed me, however, was the fact that 2 two of the volunteers were left to drive David to Windhoek, thereby missing some of the training, while the VSO staff seemingly sat around doing nothing. I hope I am wrong about this and that their continued presence in Tsumeb was essential. But it did not seem that way. This was not their finest hour.

Day 8 took us from Kabale to Kampala. It was Sunday, the day when, traditionally, people either go to Church or wash their cars. As we drove out of Kabale…drivers were washing their lorries next to signs that read, “Washing vehicles by the side of the road is prohibited”. A bit further down the road a goat had been strung upside down on a wooden scaffold and was being drained of blood.

Moses notices some carrots for sale and stops. He wants to take a present to his wife in Kampala. When he returns to the car we can tell he is slightly annoyed. “The trouble with these people (street sellers), is as soon as they see white people in the car they double the price.” As we approach Lake Victoria we see stalls of large fish for sale. His wife would like a fish. They are large tilapia and have been freshly caught. It’s a delicious fish and we have eaten it nearly every day. The first negotiation is unsuccessful.. It’s the “white” problem again. Next time, Moses parks beyond the stall and manages to secure a satisfactory price. He ties the large, silver fish to the front of his car like a hunting trophy. We’ll probably be chased down the road by a pack of hungry dogs. At least the inside of the car won’t smell and we are grateful for that.

I had switched on the TV again that morning expecting to find soccer. Instead, it had been Ugandan Big Brother, and quite riveting. For twenty minutes a girl lay on her bed reading a book. The highlight came in the twenty-first minute when she coughed. The excitement was too much for me and I had to switch it off. I’m not sure why that came to mind as we sped back to Kampala with a large fish tied to the front of the car. “This is the region I come from.” Moses brought me back from my reverie. Suddenly, we swerve off the road into a garage forecourt and narrowly miss the girl petrol attendant. The man standing by the back wall looks worried as we approach but smiles when he recognises Moses. This is Farouk, one of Moses brothers. Moses is laughing when he returns to the car. “Farouk said to me,’ what’s this? You only drive whites now?’” and he continues to laugh. Moses seems pretty pleased with himself.

We pass a diesel lorry and trailer overturned by the side of the road. Villagers were gathering with plastic containers to collect their share of free diesel. It reminded me of the Cornish “wreckers” who lured ships onto the rocks to steal their cargos. No, that couldn’t be happening here.

Our journey ends at the Red Chilli Hideaway in Kampala. Monkeys shriek as they jump from tree to tree in the garden. As it was Sunday we took a minibus/taxi to the Kampala Pentecostal Church in the centre of the city. Sally had heard of its connection with the Watoto Baby Project and their Children’s Choir. We squeeze into a minibus/taxi legally registered for only fourteen passengers. We didn’t know it at the time but any excess passengers can be prosecuted along with the driver. There were nineteen of us in that bus and we were the last to get on.

The church (a theatre) was full. We had to stand at the back, no, we could sit at the front in seats reserved for the pastors. We hoped we wouldn’t be called up to speak. The evening was given over to 2 visiting groups, one, a dance troupe, the other, a comedy group. We heard the satirical song about the Queen’s impending visit but we didn’t see much, as the cameraman was plonked directly in front of us. They don’t seem to think much of their pastors, or maybe their pastors were blind? Never mind, we wouldn’t stay long as it would soon be dark and we didn’t want to negotiate Kampala at night. It was dangerous. “It’ll look rude if we walk out from the front row,” said Georgina. “Let’s stay a bit longer.” The entertainment began to over-run, seriously. I began to stress out. Would they let us stay in the theatre until morning? No. Kampala was black when we pored out onto the street. The minibus/taxis were full and not going our way. The driver of one thought he might be going our way and we could get in anyway. We got in, though logic dictated otherwise. It’s strange how we can act against all common sense and reason. The girl in front of me turned around. She had heard me mention The Red Chilli Hideaway. She lived behind it and would tell us where to get off. What an answer to prayer. She had been at the church and might be sold into slavery with us. At least, she could help ward off our attackers or hurl insults at them in their language. Sharon, our girl, disappeared at one stop. I panicked. Where was she? She turned up sitting behind me. She was with her sister Dorothy who became Sally’s instant friend and accompanied us up the dark lane to the hotel. They didn’t seem to be at all afraid. What? A silly baby? Who me?

Have you ever woken up and, for the first 30 seconds, had no idea where you were? It was like that when I woke up in Sophie’s Motel. The bed was strange (I’m not used to waking up in strange beds), the room was strange, the light was strange. Then I remembered…we were half way around the world.  Being on the equator, daylight remains at a constant 12 hours throughout the year. From about 6 until 6, no change, no seasons.

The road from Entebbe to Kampala was being radically improved.  Gangs of workmen and women were clearing rubble, planting trees and bushes.  Mostly, the women did the work while the men looked on.  Moses took great delight in telling us that this was because the Queen (of England) was coming. I looked for a hint of irony in his eyes when he talked of the Queen with such excitement, but there was none.  He seemed genuinely excited.  He wished she would visit more often so that more roads would be improved.

Moses also explained that the Money Exchange at Entebbe airport had short-changed us.  The woman at the counter had deliberately “picked” (Ugandan for stolen) some of the notes from the bundle.  We had given this money to Moses for petrol but some notes were missing.  “They prey on new visitors who don’t know the currency.  And the women are worse than the men,” he explained.  “They are more cunning”.  “Well, isn’t that true the world over,” I thought, but didn’t dare say it out loud.

As we entered Kampala in the early hours of the morning, a faint mist lay like gossamer over the city.  It was only when we entered the cloud that we could smell the diesel fumes in the air.  Lorries, buses and cars all belched out thick, acrid, blue fumes from their exhausts.  “Diesel engines cost more to service than petrol ones, so people don’t bother,” Moses explained as the lorry in front disappeared in a cloud of it’s own exhaust.  It was amusing to think how paranoid we, in Britain, were about our meagre “carbon footprints” when other parts of the world were indiscriminately spewing out huge quantities of pollution.  I don’t mean that we should do the same, but let’s not be so paranoid about our relatively much smaller contribution.  If you spend any time in Kampala, pack an oxygen mask along with your malaria tablets.  The pollution will get you long before the mosquitoes do.  Or, maybe the maniac drivers on those hugely congested roads will.  If there were a Highway Code (and I very much doubt it) there would be just two rules, viz. 1)  if you see a gap go for it at great speed.  2) Ignore all other drivers unless they are two inches from hitting you.  Our driver, Moses, was a professional Kampalan driver and he nearly knocked down just one motorcyclist.  If I had been driving, boy, would there have been carnage?  I’m glad we didn’t hire a car as we now would either be lying in the Kampala morgue or still trying to find our way out of “the city with no street signs”.  Accidents are a common occurrence.  A few days later we saw a car drive into a motorbike.  The pillion passenger (no helmet) neatly jumped of the bike mid strike and nonchalantly walked away as if he’d performed the same trick a thousand times before.

We hadn’t realised how ubiquitous private security guards were in Uganda.  Two burly guards clutching huge shotguns stood outside the currency exchange office in Kampala.  Were they expecting trouble?  We decided not to stay long enough to find out.  It was unnerving to see a line of young men on motorbikes watch our every move as we left the office with our money.  We jumped into the car where Moses had parked hoping it was his.  Fortunately, it was.  As we sped off,  I nervously looked out of the rear window but no bikers were following.   Moses knew all the short cuts.  To avoid congestion he turn a turn and we ended up in pot-hole city.  The road was like a Swiss cheese.  We zig-zagged around the biggest craters and even had to do a cross-country stint over some rough ground to avoid disappearing down a black hole.  The road led, unsurprisingly, to the car spare part centre of Kampala.  Mountains of rusty metal, salvaged, no doubt, from previous wrecks, were piled high by the sides of the road.  Nearly all the vehicles in Uganda are Japanese.  Most are minibus/taxis in various stages of disintegration and full of people.  They are legally allowed to take 14 people.  The one we went on had 19.  The law is regularly flouted.

Dilapidated villages and shanty huts line most of the roads in Uganda.  There was hardly a stretch of road free of buildings.  They were mainly structures cobbled together from odd scraps of wood with a piece of corrugated iron placed on the top.  These were homes to, perhaps two adults and four children.  Some were superior and made with mud bricks.  They looked like rows of garages.  Often they were painted bright yellow or shocking pink.  They reflected the battle between the two mobile phone companies.  The pink were for Celtel, the yellow for MTN.  They seemed to be evenly matched.  Well, I suppose it was one way of earning some shillings and getting your house painted for free. Apparently, this is a country where the average villager travels up to two kilometres to make a call and the waiting list for access to a fixed line telephone is 3.6 years, if you can afford it.  Some were shops, having a small pile of tomatoes, maize or similar placed outside for sale.  The towns and larger villages had shops with piles of mattresses outside, beds or even coffins for sale.  There was probably a good trade in the last item.  The roads seemed to be centres of Ugandan life.  Even in the most remote stretches there were people walking along the road.  They didn’t seem to be walking anywhere in particular.  They were just walking.  The men tended just to stand and stare blankly.  The local “gut-rot” made from Sorghum, a grass seed resembling corn, maybe partly responsible for this, together with the cultural tradition that the women do all the work.

We spent that night at the Margherita Hotel overlooking the Ruwenzori mountain range on the border of the Democratic Republic of the Congo.   Someone said there were gorillas in those mountains.  But he may have meant guerrillas.  I was too afraid to ask.   We didn’t stay long enough to find out.